Outging: Extroversion 2.0

I generally fall under the classification of an extrovert, but today, I've only talked to two people in person and, for some reason, I felt ok with that.

I don't fear being trapped in my mind, it's just that the world is a better place when my ideas are let loose.

Just to be clear, extroversion should be defined as being energized by interacting with people and the feeling of depression or fading energy levels when alone.

Last night, I was under the club lights, my head was buzzing and I was in a giant mob of people. I Loved it, as I usually do, but after a while, I started getting disgruntled and decided to step out.

I found myself across the street, on a second-story balcony. Watching as the drunken college students roamed the streets and stumbled on the sidewalks, the contemplation of me finally maturing and taking a step out of the blacklights crept into my mind.

Am I actually getting too old for this? I'm only 22...

Eventually, I wandered through the crowds and made my way to a group of friends. This notion may be an overarching metaphor of what's going to happen with me in the next year. I'll rage, depression will kick in, cryptic thoughts will enter my mind and I'll then catch my second breath and go back to the party.

I Love the vibes I get from the weekend crowd, but lately the "drama" of it all has been ruining it for me. Drama, in this situation, should be defined as anything related to personal agendas, exes, he-said, she-said nonsense, people who over-analyze social situations (in a negative fashion) and physical confrontation. Honestly, I wouldn't hate the latter of those options because, at least then, the energy would still be there.

Yep. I'm freaking Tigger.

I'm growing tired of having to entertain. If that feeling is going to happen to me, I want it to be when I have a guitar in front of me. There are hidden expectations of a crazy time that are tied to me and I fear that I won't live up to them. Nothing is worse than having a houseful of people making me feel like I'm not doing enough to keep them happy.

I thrive on people. I thrive on energy. I thrive on positivity. Give me those three things and I can be anything anyone wants me to be. The life of the party. Crazy. Outgoing. Risk-taker. I just need positive attitudes!

 Part of me misses the simplicity of the partying lifestyle that came when it first started in my life. There were no expectations and the crazy situations just rolled right in. I wish I could do that again, but at times, I get so wrapped up in trying to make sure everyone else is having a great time that I shut myself off to the spontaneity of the surrounding world. Saying yes to strangers. Drinking just one more. Cutting a girl's hair and putting it in a drawer. These are all things that happened because I wasn't worried.

Sometimes, forgetting to smile and not get worried (insert Jimmy Eat World music video) gets me down. I'm down with that.

From here on out, I'm going back to extroversion-like ways. I'm going to wear my personality on my sleeves and ditch the dramatic kids in the dust when I go out. I'm going to take up any offer that comes my way on the weekends, even if it does present a sort of danger. I'm not ok with not talking to people.

My weekend life is about reaching out to others and going crazy with strangers, not worrying about who is dancing with who or where so-and-so went.

I'll worry about that stuff Sunday morning.