Hold Hands, Not Grudges

If you're mad at someone, just let them know.

The idea of transparency can save time, frustration and even relationships. Why drag on a conflict if it is only waring you down? There's not point in suffering one more moment if a simple discussion can fix the issue.

Courtesy of Tumblr.com/knittingunicorn

Holding grudges is fun. You have control, or at least you think you do. You feel entitled and empowered because someone has wronged you, but feeling in charge will get you no where.

If the world was perfect, as soon as conflict would arise, the two or more parties would fix it immediately and go on living. Both would be wiser from the encounter and would know what actions to avoid for next time. However, we don't live in a perfect world.

We lived in a fundamentally flawed one.

What is the point in keeping silent and allowing anger to rise up inside of you? Does one think that the feeling of empowerment will last forever? Because it won't.

In all my experiences of being upset with someone, if I held on for too long, one of two things would happen: I would forget what I was fighting about and just have a negative feeling toward someone forever or I would realize that what I was angry about for so long was completely useless and I would feel ashamed.

I have felt that shame a lot. When I was younger, I was incredibly dramatic. Still am, but only when it won't really hurt anyone or any friendships. But as I've grown older, the idea of holding a grudge reflects a lack of maturity and appreciation of human kind.

We're all people. We all make mistakes, whether we know it or not. If your problem with someone is situational and not a chronic issue, address it with the person. Perhaps they didn't even know they messed up. They will continue living without a care and you will let the pressure burden you and the empowerment to enslave you.

If you heed my advice and choose to resolve the issue immediately, do so in a rational fashion. No one likes to feel attacked. That empowerment you felt is invisible and won't protect you from losing an argument, looking like a fool, or even worse, getting your jaw busted. Don't go Dr. Phil on someone, but just treat the matter in a way that you would want it to be treated if you were on the receiving end. The Golden Rule.

Keeping grudges will keep you alone in your head. Learn to forgive, not forget and live a stronger life. http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/lauren-xenos.html

If you come up to someone with a chip on your shoulder and an attitude of apologetic entitlement, you're going to look like dolt. Being patient, understanding and empathetic will get you far.

The next time someone angers you, don't go to Twitter. Don't go to other people. Address it calmly and immediately. Fix it and go one with life. Too many people fight for no logical reason.

Remaining hung up on trivial matters makes one look like a simpleton. You're better than that.

Let it go and live.

Outging: Extroversion 2.0

I generally fall under the classification of an extrovert, but today, I've only talked to two people in person and, for some reason, I felt ok with that.

I don't fear being trapped in my mind, it's just that the world is a better place when my ideas are let loose.

Just to be clear, extroversion should be defined as being energized by interacting with people and the feeling of depression or fading energy levels when alone.

Last night, I was under the club lights, my head was buzzing and I was in a giant mob of people. I Loved it, as I usually do, but after a while, I started getting disgruntled and decided to step out.

I found myself across the street, on a second-story balcony. Watching as the drunken college students roamed the streets and stumbled on the sidewalks, the contemplation of me finally maturing and taking a step out of the blacklights crept into my mind.

Am I actually getting too old for this? I'm only 22...

Eventually, I wandered through the crowds and made my way to a group of friends. This notion may be an overarching metaphor of what's going to happen with me in the next year. I'll rage, depression will kick in, cryptic thoughts will enter my mind and I'll then catch my second breath and go back to the party.

I Love the vibes I get from the weekend crowd, but lately the "drama" of it all has been ruining it for me. Drama, in this situation, should be defined as anything related to personal agendas, exes, he-said, she-said nonsense, people who over-analyze social situations (in a negative fashion) and physical confrontation. Honestly, I wouldn't hate the latter of those options because, at least then, the energy would still be there.

Yep. I'm freaking Tigger.

I'm growing tired of having to entertain. If that feeling is going to happen to me, I want it to be when I have a guitar in front of me. There are hidden expectations of a crazy time that are tied to me and I fear that I won't live up to them. Nothing is worse than having a houseful of people making me feel like I'm not doing enough to keep them happy.

I thrive on people. I thrive on energy. I thrive on positivity. Give me those three things and I can be anything anyone wants me to be. The life of the party. Crazy. Outgoing. Risk-taker. I just need positive attitudes!

 Part of me misses the simplicity of the partying lifestyle that came when it first started in my life. There were no expectations and the crazy situations just rolled right in. I wish I could do that again, but at times, I get so wrapped up in trying to make sure everyone else is having a great time that I shut myself off to the spontaneity of the surrounding world. Saying yes to strangers. Drinking just one more. Cutting a girl's hair and putting it in a drawer. These are all things that happened because I wasn't worried.

Sometimes, forgetting to smile and not get worried (insert Jimmy Eat World music video) gets me down. I'm down with that.

From here on out, I'm going back to extroversion-like ways. I'm going to wear my personality on my sleeves and ditch the dramatic kids in the dust when I go out. I'm going to take up any offer that comes my way on the weekends, even if it does present a sort of danger. I'm not ok with not talking to people.

My weekend life is about reaching out to others and going crazy with strangers, not worrying about who is dancing with who or where so-and-so went.

I'll worry about that stuff Sunday morning.

Love Where I Am; Love Where I've Been

I can honestly say that I was blessed to grow up in the generation that I did.

Besides all the wonderful, yet cliche, 90s kid stuff, I grew up with a dream. A dream that was fueled by music and a crowd in front of me. Not only that, but I was able to satisfy that dream, to an extent.

And let me tell you, I may not know the true meaning to life, but I know that feeling has something to do with it.

On nights when most kids were either at basketball practice or studying their time away, I was sitting in my room with my guitar, dreaming, praying to, one day, play my songs (or In Our Suffering's songs) in front of thousands of people.

I desired this not for the material reasons, but because I know that the songs I was writing alone, in my room with my unplugged guitar and a notebook, were coming from my heart and fingertips. These songs may not be Top 40 hits, but they would surely mean a lot to some kid going through the same stuff.

"You will remember this day."

Even now, I find myself fretting and picking with my guitar at my waist as I stand in guitar power stance in my kitchen. Seriously though, the way the kitchen light shines, it makes it look like a stage light and I Love it. I still get the same goosebumps that I did when I was 16, having practice with my brothers. Make fun of me, I don't care. That feeling is phenomenal and I only wish you too could feel it one day.

No feeling will ever compare to that of playing live and seeing people you have never met singing along to a song, not because it is incredibly good, but because they've see you play live so many times that they have started to enjoy your act.

I still have my dream, but it's not the same. I'm older now. Perhaps too old. I had my chance and now it is some other kids' chance to play.

I take issue with the fact that these kids have no one to look up to anymore. They have no more local heroes or venues. The dream is fading fast and that scares me.

We live in a day in age in which kids compete for likes instead of working together to get a local show together. Go ahead and go to your Myspace, log in and listen to some of the bands you were friends with back in the day. Basque in their perfect imperfectness. That's not what you get today.

I urge any kid who has a guitar, drum kit or a mic and a damn dream to band together and make it happen.  It's worth it.

It's worth the hassle of setting up a show. It's worth having a band member not show up to a concert and you having to fill in for drums. It's worth having your band and dream destroyed by an ex-girlfriend.

Honestly, I believe in a sense of karma and emotional equality in every action we do, but my years playing guitar, on stage, left me with a credit of happiness.

Despite it ending and my vision being shot down in flames, I can still close my eyes and see all my memories play out in front of me and get the same butterflies I had that day.

For that very reason, I am the luckiest kid in the world.

I lived out a part of my dream.

Pick Me Up and I'll Never Let You Down

I am the unread book and you're the reader trapped in the library.

Who am I to you? Am I a stranger or am I close friend? Have I ever done anything to change your life for the better or for the worst? If not, then let me.

There are so many individuals out there with distinct, unique stories. I want to tell mine to someone new; someone who may understand what I have been through and why I strive to be who I will be one day.

I'm nostalgic. I'm progressive. I learn from past failures. Even though I long for what I have, I know that I can never get comfortable anywhere because the idea of settling down for good scares me to pieces.

My life is an open book and I'm ready for any person to pick it up.

Tell me about yourself. That's all I want. I want to hear your story.

I've never been much of a reader, but I've always been a listener.

You know when you're reading your textbooks and you realize that you went through an entire paragraph and didn't retain one word? Now picture you telling the story of your life and someone picks up their phone and starts texting, or interjects without any empathy to you. This is how the book feels. Worthless. Like your story isn't worth this person's time.

"I should go to bed, but I'll stay up until whenever 
if you want to talk."

Trust me, if you talk to me, I will never let you collect dust. I'll never let your pages fade or weather.

There's something magical about having someone pay attention to your every word. Not just your words, but the inflections in your voice when you are really adamant about a topic; the change in tone that only the greatest authors can portray in writing.

If you're out there reading this and you have never gotten to know me, put a bookmark in this page and let me read into you a bit more.

I'm sure there's a masterpiece within you. 

There's Hope in Them There Bands

I'm putting a lot of faith in the reunion of Fall Out Boy.

When the band was at its peak, I never truly appreciated what they were doing for the music scene. I was far too obsessed with 80s hair metal at the time and it really closed my mind to anything new. However, this time around, my mind is an open notebook and it is ready to be filled.

This could become a revival. The music scene has become stale and repetitive, which isn't bad if it's Friday night and you're nine drinks deep, but when you're scanning the radio, songs about only living once and staying up until 3 a.m. don't quite speak to you.

Introduce a little change. Upset the established order, as the Joker would say. Bring bands to front of the airwaves from Sunday to Thursday, from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. and you will see a rise in identification with modern music.

["And when it rains, Will you always find an escape? Just running away, From all of the ones who love you, From everything."]

When Fall Out Boy started blowing up Fuse and MTV, I didn't understand the appeal, but now I see what they did. They gave a voice to the generation that felt misunderstood, screwed over or just bored. Their clever hooks and upbeat melodies brought optimism and the music videos gave a narrative that could told a real story and could be followed.

Now, I would like to state that I enjoy the music of today. There's a time and place for the songs that play constantly on the airwaves, though. Every day and anywhere is not proper for many of the acts. As a musician, I try to find appreciation in every style of music, and I have. Lil Wayne is clever. Skrillex is creative. Lady Gaga puts on one hell of a show.

"These words are all I have, so I'll write them."]

What's missing? Someone who embodies all of these at once.

While in high school, there were bands. Not boy bands. Not rap groups, but actual bands. Avenged Sevenfold, Paramore, A Day to Remember, Taking Back Sunday, My Chemical Romance, Green Day ... the list goes on and on, but one thing is for certain, these acts will stand the test of time. One may call them angsty, but I call them personal and I'm not saying that modern acts will be forgotten and aren't memorable, but they will certainly be labeled as "throwbacks" and obsolete very soon after their heavy rotation by weekend DJs is up.

The bands mentioned previously embody something much more. They're personal. They are situational and speak to an individual. Favorite songs by an artist aren't always the singles! They're the songs that you listen to when you can't sleep because you're thinking about someone or that song that hit you just right and came into your life at the perfect time. Those songs stick with you on a daily basis. Songs about only having tonight are fundamentally flawed because we have more than tonight. Any sober mind can see that.

Most of the time, bands aren't on major record labels and they can create a sound that is unique and experimental. Today's Top 40 songs can be sung by different artists and it won't mean anything different. The lyrical content of bands, like Fall Out Boy, is timeless because they can resonate with someone on any given day.

Most importantly , to me, these artists offer live shows that you want to attend while sober. One would want to embrace the sounds and personalities of the band, not just get lost in the lights.

["This band will stand the test of time."]

There's a chance. There's hope. The optimism for modern music to have meaning once again rides on the shoulders of those who also have a guitar strapped around them or drum sticks in their hands.

I'm so excited for the release of Fall Out Boy's "Save Rock n' Roll." I pray that it will do just that ... Save rock n' roll. Time to bring back long hair, lyrics in notebooks and songs that mean something.

It's time for a takeover, because the break is over and there is once again hope in the music industry.

Celtic Pride Alive in Ohio

I'm not ridiculously big into sports, but if you have ever met me, you would know that I am a Boston Celtics fan.
My fandom started five years ago when the Cavs lost LeBron James and I needed a team to root for. My pal Brian was into the Big C's, so I decided "What the hell, may as cheer for the team that beat mine in past years."
It hasn't been the best of times being a Celtics fan, though. With the departure of Ray Allen and season-ending injuries to both Rajon Rondo and Jared Sullinger, I thought the Celtics were done.
I thought wrong. They are only just heating up.
Since Rondo's ACL injury, they are 4-0. Despite these wins coming from teams who are sub-par or plagued with injuries, they seem to be showing signs of life.
["I can feel it coming in the air tonight."]
Earlier in the season, Paul Pierce was not playing to his best ability. He has never been much of a defender, so I expected him to give up some points, but when his shots started falling short and his field goal percentage began to trail off, I was scared that the Truth was getting old. I didn't think he had it in him.
However, with the Rondo injury came a revival in the team's captain. Doc Rivers gave the team to Rajon at the beginning of the semester, but now, Pierce is back to palming the team. With this revival in responsibility, he has taken command and has begun to heat up.
As for Kevin Garnett, there was never any doubt in my mind that he was going to continue putting up double-double numbers each night. He plays with such tenacity, pride, aggression and skill. His time is not over with.
He takes a breather midway through the first quarter and then hits the floor later to rebound and drain turnaround jumpers that I can only trust in him to shoot.
One aspect of the Celtics that goes unappreciated is their depth. The Celtics bench puts up just as many points as their starters on any given night. Jason Terry, Barbosa, Green and Lee are the fire the C's need to keep up late in the game.
Garnett and Pierce aren't old, but they can't play as many minutes as they used to. Their bench is as good as any other .500 teams' starters. This is where the Los Angeles Lakers have failed. They rely on Howard, Kobe, Gasol and Nash to do everything. As soon as one goes down, the whole team falls.
They've managed some success recently, but that will not last if they don't build better chemistry and cohesion. You can't just throw big names at a team and expect them to succeed. Look at the Celtics; they have grown together and work together, not against each other. As evident earlier in the season, the Celtics have each others' backs. Rondo, Bradley and Garnett are feisty and will destroy anyone who attempts to undermine or cheap shot their teammates.
That pride is what will keep the C's alive. They have heart. They have respect. They play with tenacity. Their skill level may be a bit diminished with the absence of Rondo, but they still are a solid team that should not be counted out.
They may not win it all this year, but when Sullinger matures and heals, and Rondo hits the floor once again, the league better be scared. Doc is experimenting with different lineups and I'm liking what I'm seeing. The Celtics will look different next year, but they'll look even better.
As a Celtics fanatic, I'm excited for the future. I'm still excited for this year. I'm still excited every time they hit the floor.
Just because they're injured, doesn't mean they aren't strong.
The Celtic pride is very much alive.

Blame It On The Weather

Let's just say that I'm feeling a little empty inside. I have no biological support system, my best friend is gone and I am getting mentally abused by people who are supposed to be my equals. I'm showing signs of physical dysmorphia. No matter how hard I try, how much I work out, how much I diet, every morning, I look in the mirror and absolutely despise what I see. One may think this normal, but it's becoming extreme. I honestly will see an added 20 or 30 lbs. that other people don't see. Some days it is better. Some days it is worse. However, it's usually always there. Deep down, I know I likely look fine, but I cannot push the mental block in my head out of the way.
"You're despicable. How the hell do you have a girlfriend? Your face and stomach are so fat, you shouldn't even go out in public. You're a disgrace." These are some of the things I subconsciously tell myself. This depression has gotten to the point where I want to do something physical about it, but I know cutting is not wise because it leaves scars and gets people talking. That's not what I want. I don't really want attention. Starving myself is an option, but I don't want to be weak and I've seen what it has done to family members. My outlet is working out incredibly hard. Forcing myself to lift for inane amounts of times. If I don't workout and run 5-6 times a week, my self worth is shot. I feel completely awful.
My birthday was this past week and let's just say I never really handle birthdays all that well. I'm just getting older. There's no excitement. Everyone around me is settling down and moving on with their lives. Their energy is being drained. I'm beginning to come to grips with reality. My life will never be as fun/exciting as it once was. That sentiment alone makes me want to hide away forever. I guess this is growing up.
["If letting go means true happiness for you and I, then I'll release you forever to save our lives. Against my will. But I will never forget you and what you've done to my life."]
There's no sunshine in my life right now. I look out the window and the world is gray. I feel nothing. And when I do feel some sort of emotion, it is negative. I write songs to cope, but then that sacrifices other time that I am supposed to using to finish a completely ridiculous task. I need to make very big changes in my life if I want to get back on the right track.
The same mechanisms I used to help me deal with emptiness are now the ones causing the voids. I used people to fix my depression, but now those people are gone. They've moved away. She's got her own life now and I can be cast aside. My best friends have been my family. Now that they seem to be fading away from me, I feel no sense of belonging. And this isn't some cool, rogue, "lone ranger" feeling. This is an emptiness. I feel no one understands my way of living.
I feel that no one out there feels as strongly as I do about anything. I am an emotional person, but I don't let my emotions make me look crazy. They make me the exciting person that I am today. But people have condemned me for my personality. I'm immature because I give everyone and everything a chance. I'm silly because I try new things.
I try to be a rock for each individual. Getting to know people is one of my most favourite things in this life. However, society deems that creepy and abrasive. In a way, it is more acceptable for me to seek out sex from a stranger than a lasting friendship. I just want to talk to someone.
However, one ray of light is shining through: I still have my faith. I have faith that this will all get better. I still believe in God. I don't care what anyone's religion says or is, this is just a way for me to keep my head up.
But it's hard to keep your head up when so much is weighing on your mind. Looking over the horizon isn't as exciting as it once was because I have no one to commentate with. I have no one to plan with.
I miss you all. Everyone I have ever come in contact with. Anyone I have ever had a heart-to-heart with. My world feels empty.
I would do anything to have a late-night conversation. The feelings I am dealing with now make my lifestyle miserable. I wake, hate what I see. Go to class, try and succeed and get made fun of. I am unappreciated. I walk home, with my head down. I sing out loud as a form of comfort, only to get glared at by the stranger I didn't know was there. I go to bed. Alone. Only to repeat the cycle the next day.
How long can I keep doing this? How long will the clouds keep covering the sun? Please, let the sun shine through. I meant to be something more than how I feel.

Instagram Filters Have Nothing on My View

Something about being able to capture a moment with an image intrigues me. I recently acquired a Nikon D3200 and I have yet to put it down. I desire to document every instance.
I have begun to see from different perspectives because it could make a pretty picture. [I'm such a nature enthusiast. Pokemon snap taught me everything I needed to know.]Through this lens, I see the world differently. It is a prettier place.[The first picture I took with this camera. Seemed festive.] My view of the world is optimistic. I try to find beauty in everything I come across, so if I can take a picture that will catch someone's eye and allow them to see through my worldly lens, then I have done my job.
If one takes a picture of a cigarette butt the right way, it could mean something to someone.
We live in a beautiful place covered by garbage. It's our jobs to uncover the beauty in everything. People look at this place with a negative filter.
That's no way to live. People are ugly and their actions are hurtful, but they have a story. Each individual has experience different things in their lives that make up who they are.
 [The depth of field on this thing is wonderful.] Maybe it's a lesson in empathy, but I'm starting to see the world through different lenses.
I may not always like what I see, but I can understand it. In the right lighting, anything could be beautiful. Compose the picture that you want to see. Be the photographer of your everyday life.
[I compose the right photos to exemplify the swag that I have.]
Use the colors of the environment and contrast them with the different personalities you come in contact with. It's not a bad world once you look at it through my eyes.

Time Is Not On My Side

Every so often a person comes by and shapes your life Forever. You bond with that person. You share everything with that person.
Secrets. Mannerisms. Music tastes. Tips on life.
You slowly become part of that person. However, one day that person will have to leave you. This is what I'm feeling now. I knew, three and a half years ago, that you would be gone.
It didn't really hit me until the day count turned to single digits, but the thought has been lingering in my mind for the past year.
I just tried to ignore it. I'm so sorry for all the days I didn't come over and all the nights I didn't text you. ["Someone once told me that time is gold, so don't sit and watch it all disappear because these, dreams you hold can never be sold. These dreams are what brought us here."]
I'm so sorry for trying to ignore you. I thought, maybe, just maybe, that it would dull the pain of you walking away for the last time.
But which time is the last time? It hurts every damn time. I see you turn back as I turn back, yet we continue on our way. Is that how we will live? I know I'll be a great friend to you for the rest of our existence, but it will never be the same.
We'll never be able to stay out until 3 a.m., doing nothing.
We'll always have to be conscious of what we buy when we go out. The carefree nature will be sucked away.
But I hope some of my carefree energy has rubbed off on you somehow. I guess that's all I truly want in life...not necessarily to be remembered, but to make such an impact on someone's life that they change a little bit for the better.
I want to help people experience the world and open up to all the possible opportunities. Life isn't confined to four walls or the hours of day in which the sun is up.    
This all happened by chance. I just have to be grateful that it did happen. I cannot imagine my life had it now. We shouldn't shy away from strangers who have the potential to help us in such a way. If you can see someone trustworthy just by glancing at their smile, give them a shot. Say hello to them and smile back. Opening up to someone can change their life. It could save their life.  
Who knows what someone needs. That person you held the door for may have been contemplating their final way out. 
That person you passed on the sidewalk and smiled at may have been thinking about how the human race is damned for all time to be a race of cold, heartless people who shut the door on anyone who they don't already know yet or isn't pretty enough. 
  If you open the door to a stranger, with some caution of course, you offer them hope and a reason to live.
 I want to help you live. Because you helped me live. My door will Forever be open for you to return at any point. If at any time you need me, I will be there.
That previously mentioned person will leave, eventually, and you will be left with a memory. For their sake, let that person impact your life in some way.
Let someone in to change you for the better.
This all started because we were just strangers...who gave another stranger a chance.

The Future as a Homemade Bomb

["Sometimes I question why I am still here. Sometimes I think I am going crazy."]The cold creeps through my window while two of my best friends have a conversation about the future behind me.
It gets me thinking...where am I going to be? Second guessing myself has always been a weakness of mine, but it's truly shown it's ugly face recently.
I start worrying about my career to the point in which I begin to shake and quiver.
Usually, I shake it off and move on with my thoughts, but I don't think that's how I should go about this. One of my friends has had far better internships than I and she's uncertain about her future. If she's not comfortable, why should I be?
To Hell with it; should I be comfortable? I live my life in a constant state of organized chaos. I thrive on situations that seem ridiculous and dangerous to others, but I know that I can fix and control at any time.
I like spontaneity. Surprises keep me from going insane. However, if I don't have something to look forward to, I begin to lose the light of excitement for the future.
That's why I always make plans. That's why I am never alone. Taking a step back, I see that I have something grand ahead of me. I know the motivation is there. But will the stars align properly for this wanderer? Will I be guided to do what will be best for me?
The fact that my future isn't carved in stone keeps me guessing and guessing keeps the rust from forming. The gears are turning because of anxiety. It's a double-edged sword.
Growing up, "living in the 'now'" was engrained in my head. There is no past. There is no future. There is just...now. So, should I worry? Should I dwell? Absolutely not. I try to exist on a day-to-day basis, but occupational and academic issues take precedent and that notion is thrown out the window.
The rear-view mirror holds the past that I spent worrying and pressured, while the road ahead contains two options: worry and have it done efficiently or breathe and hope for the best.
At this point, the latter is sounding more appealing. I hate freaking out. I hate worrying. I Love responsibility, but only when I am certain that I can achieve what is being asked of me. It's the instances in which I am asked to the unexpected that truly get to me. "I'm only human."
 So, where do I stand? I don't know. Future-oriented: worried about exams, anxious about my job tomorrow, thinking that I won't get enough sleep tonight.
 Dwelling on the past: I didn't try hard enough, I let go of opportunities to make this easier. Now: I am sitting. Letting out my feelings in the form of keystrokes. And it feels good. I guess, what I'm getting at, is that I need to find a balance between comfort and adventure.
I shouldn't let my future be laid out for me; what's the fun in that? However, I shouldn't just let it all go without some sort of preparation. We need to spend more time just existing. Mindless existing. Too many times we are pressured by outside circumstances and bullshit that we cannot control. I have months ahead before any of these crazy decisions must be made.
Why freak out now? I'm confident. Be confident. There's nothing wrong with that. Hone in on your skills. Be proud of what you are, but try and get better. Get better.
Don't lose what you have already had. My apologies to whoever may be reading this.
I'm completely insane. I have two exams tomorrow, one in eight hours. And you know what?
 I don't give a damn.

The Beta-Alpha Male

["We're young and in love, heart attacks waiting to happen. So come a little closer, tell me it's all in our heads."]
 I'm sitting here, the glow of my computer lighting up my room. I know I should go to bed because I feel some sort of sickness coming on, but screw it, sleep is for the weak.
I Love the winter months. I feel that I was most self-aware during this season in past years.
I can clearly remember the coldness of the Sandusky air numbing my cheeks as I played guitar to an empty audience in my grandmother's garage. My fingers were numb. It literally hurt to play, but dammit, the show inside my head had to go on.
The weird thing is that there are people out there who know how I feel. My friend Will was programming and recording music while I was, yet we were an hour apart. (He was Beta before it was even called that. I have a serious appreciation for those who get the most out of the Internet and have that presence.)
I don't think I've ever met a person in my life that shared my exact feelings about music. There's more to it than money. It's about the memories that are made both while listening to it and while making it.
The organic writing process is something to die for. The hour-long jams where you completely lose yourself on the fretboard...I miss that. I miss the way I was.
I was so sentimental before. I felt more original and less of a phony. (Insert Holden Caufield reference here.) I used to write my feelings out. The late-night phone conversations are missing in my life. I need to get to know someone new.
I miss the thrill of getting to know and understand the depths of a person. There's a few people out there I'd Love to talk to, but I'm too scared to actually initiate anything. Yeah. Me. Scared to talk to someone.
I miss staying up all night on the phone or having the vibrations of a new text wake me up in random intervals. "No, you're not keeping me up :)" Right now, Taking Back Sunday, Hawthorne Heights and Escape the Fate are making me incredibly nostalgic.
I remember the first time I heard them before I knew who they were. It was in the winter of the past years mentioned previously. I remember heartbreak vividly. I remember tears freezing in my eyes. ("How does it feel when tears freeze when you cry."
Literally came on as I finished typing this.) I wonder if there are anymore bleeding hearts out there. Was that just a phase in my life? Was my sentimentality something I need to outgrow?
God, I hope not. That lifestyle was so satisfying.
There has to be someone out there whose bedroom is being lit up by their computer screen who's just dying to tell their story to someone new. If this person is you, talk to me. I'm a good listener. Getting to know someone new is what I live for.
If I had it my way, I would travel the country, sharing the drinking traditions of each person or group I came in contact with, all the while talking about the crazy shit we've been through, the stuff we've seen ... the people who have gotten away. If you're looking for a friend, I'm here.
Whoever you are.

Speak With Substance, Avoid Superficial Conversation

I have come to the realization that our common conversations have become incredibly superficial and lack depth and substance.
While watching the film "God Bless America," the protagonist, Frank, goes on a tirade about this subject. "Nobody talks about anything anymore. When was the last time you had a real conversation without someone texting or looking at a screen or a monitor over your head?"
Why do we shy away from talking about our feelings, aspirations, religious convictions and/or things that aren't entertainment or sports?
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with popular culture-based talks or sport chats, but try and think critically about what you have seen and speak original thoughts.
Don't just spew what you read online or heard on TV. Some of my closest friendships were spawned from spontaneous, personal conversations. One doesn't have to pour their soul out to a stranger, but opening up shouldn't strike fear into their heart.
Everyone has a history. Every individual has a unique story.
 Each person you come across probably possesses the memory of an experience that you would find intriguing.
 There aren't many things better than those long, all-night conversations with someone. The ones in which you can feel the friendship forming into a long-lasting bond.
The ones where you think "I should probably go to sleep," but your friend has you so encompassed and on the edge of your seat that you throw the ideas of morning exhaustion out the window and listen onward.
You're completely engaged. Your phone doesn't matter.
When you listen, it feels great for both parties. You retain the knowledge about this person and feel a deeper connection with them, while they feel special and unique because they have someone who will actively listen to them without texting mid conversation.
We live in a society where all of our thoughts and ideas are posted on social media, yet we can't talk to people.
Social media seems to be taking the "social" aspects out of our daily lives. Instead of posting about how angry you are at your professor or subtweeting about your friend, try talking to them about it. Hell, they may even commend you for taking the initiative to attack the issue head on.
Instead of posting a Facebook status containing lyrics that you relate to, bring the song up in conversation with the person who inspired the thoughtful connection. The song will never sound the same again. Feelings. Dreams. Personal history.
These are the things we should be talking about, not Miley Cyrus' new haircut or what your ex said about you on Twitter. Superficial chatter is a plague.
It keeps us from talking about stuff that truly matters. These issues get overshadowed by "pop-politics."
There's always the typical conversations about abortion, the death penalty and gun control, but why don't we talk about the conflict between the University's Faculty Association and the Administration or the on campus smoking ban that is being discussed?
 It is doubtful that we can control the hot topic issues of the nation, but we can have a say in the problems that are in our own backyard.
 I strongly urge everyone out there to strike up a real conversation with that one person who catches your eye in the Union or the girl who sits by you in class with the sweet Attack Attack! bookbag or the professor who makes you feel like a human being and not just another kid in class. It's the last week of classes.
Take a chance.
What's the worst that can happen? They could look at you weird and you will never have to see them again. What's the best that can happen?
 You could have a new friend for life.      

Cool Kids of Social Media

One may think that using a social media outlet to talk about social media is redundant, but honestly, is there any better way to explain how to use a web tool other than using it effectively?

The Twitter account @socialmediaclub has been tweeting, retweeting and demonstrating how to optimize social media since February of 2007. However, the organization has been around and exploring various social media since 2006.

Social Media Club is a California-based group that is dedicated to trying out new social media techniques and technology, tackling key conflicts in the real of social media and reporting their findings to whoever is interested. The club now has more than 300 chapters across the nation. They have given computers and gadgets to local schools and are funded solely on donations.

This non-profit organization looks to scoop any up and coming sites that surface. Their Twitter start date alone is proof that they are ahead of the game on any social media technology they can find. Had Twitter not played out so well, they would have reported their findings and found the new media that was most effective.

The Twitter account for the group tweets links related to social media ethics, seminars and tips for businesses and personal users. They even have a book club series on which users can promote various social media-based books to by using #SMCbooks.

@socialmediaclub keeps users connected by tweeting interesting content daily and interacting with its audience. Every so often, the group will invite a prominent social media expert or author aboard and users can tweet questions to them. Those questions are then answered via Twitter, of course.

I would also like to note that their follower to following ratio. They follow more than 75,000 people and have almost 122,000 followers. The ration looks a bit one-sided, but when you note how many people they are following and how large the group is, that ratio is relatively modest.

My only problem I have with the Twitter site itself is the amount of tweets they have per day. In total, they have almost 16, 500 tweets. That is quite a few daily. However, Twitter comes with a handy-dandy "turn off retweets" function that allows you to just see their original content and tips. If you do not wish to flood your Twitter feed with social media tips, but would still like the insight, I recommend bookmarking this page.

I would say that the Social Media Club is effective in their efforts. One may see them as social media nerds, but I see them as the cool kids club of social media.

The Threshold

I've driven down your road, looking for our past feelings,
I've thought about who we were as I stared at my ceiling.
It was a weight off my shoulders when I heard you had changed.
The process progresses when I see you're not the same.  

There's no shame in believing in Always and Forever,
When the weight on your shoulders is that of a feather.
But as we grow older and our hearts mature,
Our affection gets colder from the pain we have endured.  

The four walls of your room have heard our testimony;
All the promises we made and the Love that you showed me.
But our feelings have went dull and the testimony fades,
And your voice echos through my head, transcending from happier days.  

It's not irrational to believe in true Love,
It's not ridiculous to believe in a power above,
But when reality shows its face and forces you to act,
Love and faith go dormant, while nervousness manifests.  

The paths that we followed, the thresholds we've gone through,
Are still in existence, unlike the trust we had abused.
I miss the way we were, our kisses, our quirks.
The thought of you alone forces tears to emerge.  

It's not weak or shameful to cry for a loss of innocence.
Naivety goes up in flames and burns like incense.
But when mourning consumes your life and darkens your day,
It's time to abandon the old roads and explore a new way.  

The notes that you left are now encased in ash.
The memory of you is now engrained in my past.
But no matter hard I try; no matter how much I pray,
Seeing your smile will always brighten my way. 

The point isn't to become bitter, but appreciate the sweet.
To look for those great qualities in everyone you meet.
Don't forget our memories and I won't forget you.
I won't forget the roads we traveled and the passages we've gone through.

Use Internet to Help You Get the Most Out Of Your Night's Sleep

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in college is time management . More importantly, I learned how to manage time well enough to get a good night's sleep. I have woken up countless times and thought to myself "This is so awful; as soon as I get home, I'm going to sleep." However, the next evening, I wouldn't hop into bed until after midnight. This cycle of restless nights and miserable mornings continued for quite some time. Eventually, I started working out and making sure I was absolutely exhausted before hitting the hay. I would work out for more than an hour and burn off all my energy. I would also make sure I wouldn't eat two hours before bed, thus feeding less into my metabolism as I was trying to fall asleep. After a while, this stopped being so effective. I needed something else. I then remembered certain experiences from my childhood that resulted in absolute relaxation. Two instances stood out most: watching Bob Ross' painting demonstrations and when other kids would "check my blood pressure" while playing doctor. The soft speaking, almost whispering voice and the light touching of the childhood game were Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response triggers, also known as ASMR triggers. These triggers result in a tingling sensation in the head, almost under the scalp. But most importantly, they result in extreme relaxation. Over time, countless Youtubers took to the Internet to perfect the craft of giving me this relaxing tingle before bed (SilentCitadel, WhisperSweetie and EmoGirlLettersare among my favorites.) These videos are 10 minutes or longer and consist of a lot of whispering, tapping and scratching. [Often times ASMR Youtubers will avoid showing their faces on camera. They say mystery adds to the ASMR effect.] One drawback from this method of winding down is that the mind can get used to the video, resulting in no ASMR trigger, thus these Youtube producers create many of this videos, sometimes even hundreds. ASMR videos are a good way of relaxing before bed and knocking you out cold without the use of cold medicine, but I found myself still groggy and miserably tired in the morning. After some Internet soul-searching, I found out that many of us wake up in the middle of our Rapid Eye Movement cycles (REM). The contrast of being so relaxed to being so panicked yields an awful exhausted feeling. Have you ever woke up 40 minutes before your alarm and thought "Wow, I'm well-rested and I still have 40 minutes to sleep." Only to wake up 40 minutes later in a groggy state? That's because you started a new sleep cycle. A website called www.sleepyti.mehas been created to help people solve this problem. The site is very bare-boned and simple. All you have to do is type in when you have to be awake (or when you are falling asleep) and it will tell you the exact time to fall asleep (or wake up) to wake up in between cycles instead of in the middle of a single one. Sometimes it's better to get less sleep to make ensure you get the right amount of sleep and don't wake up mid-cycle. [Sleepyti.me is a very simple website designed to help people get the most out of their sleep cycles."] It is important to note that the average human takes 14 minutes to fall asleep and to feel fully rested, it is recommend that you go through six to eight of these 90-minute cycles. I have found myself waking up a few minutes before my alarm clock and just using the excess time to roll around in bed until the alarm sounded. Waking up slowly is much more comfortable than jumping out of bed and taking on the day. These solutions have done the trick for me and I can honestly say I wake up everyday without wanting to keel over in exhaustion. So, if you're ever having trouble falling asleep at night or you're just feeling groggy and tired even after sleeping 8 hours, use these tips to help you wake up on the right side of the bed.

Bloomberg Blooms During Hurricane Sandy

If tragedy were to strike Bowling Green, I can honestly say that I would want someone to model an emergency response team after Mayor Mike Bloomberg's response to Hurricane Sandy. On a day-to-day basis, Mayor Bloomberg updates his 350,000+ followers about big news events, health tips and other happenings, but his Twitter account served as something more this past week. Before, during and after Hurricane Sandy hit, his account was a method of emergency response. Days before Sandy started scaring the citizens on the East Coast, Bloomberg was sending out warning tweets. His account (whether it was actually him or just someone who runs his account) tweeted preparation tips for the storm. Not only did he tweet his own preparation ideas, he linked to other accounts and websites to get the word out to his people. During the storm, the Mayor kept his citizens informed. Even though millions were without power, they still had their phones for a few hours and satellite Internet connection. He posted tweets about evacuation plans and talked about which areas had the most damage. Not only did he give helpful and informational insights, he gave condolences as well. While Sandy was wrecking his territory, every tweet from Bloomberg had a mini-URL attached. These links brought users to helpful pages with updates on the storm and even personal video messages. In this way, he made himself seem human to the people who needed a human touch. Sandy left behind a great deal of destruction. Bloomberg posted updates and positive messages to keep his people looking up. "NYC has been through a lot in the last 11 years: Hurricane Irene, a transit strike, a blackout and more. We'll get through this too #Sandy" was one of my favorite motivational tweets. He kept businesspeople in the loop by explaining what the New York Stock Exchange was doing in response to the storm, but he also kept parents informed with school delays and closures. He had the whole demographic in mind the whole time. All in all, Bloomberg did a fantastic job while responding to Hurricane Sandy. He helped citizens of NYC prepare for the storm, he rode it out with them and helped motivate them to get back on their feet. He never left them in the dark. Posting of Youtube videos and personal messages offered the human touch that the people needed and the informational links gave them something solid to hold on to. Good on you, Mayor Bloomberg. You're the type of mayor NYC needs.

It Will Blend and It Will Sell

When Blendtec’s back was against the wall and they were struggling financially, they decided to take to the Internet for an inexpensive and creative means of publicity. The CEO of this highly durable blender company witnessed Tom Dickson grinding up a 2x2 hunk of wood, as a part of a durability test, and he came up with the idea: Will It Blend? Since 2008, Tom Dickson has become one of the most watched people on Youtube.com. He has ground up super glue, Justin Bieber figurines, a skeleton and even an iPad. His nerdy persona, mixed with ridiculous puns and the hilarity of watching expensive and durable items being destroyed, was a recipe for an Internet success. I mean, who could turn their head away from someone grinding up a gun in a blender? Now, as I have scrolled through the comments on many of the “Will It Blend” videos, I have noticed negative comments, usually stating things like “Why are you destroying these things? Less fortunate people out there could use them.” These viewers need to realize that many corporate-level advertisements and campaigns cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. To make these videos, it costs Blendtec the price of whatever items they are destroying. That’s about it. And trust me, the return on these “ads” have been phenomenal. These blenders are not cheap. They cost about $400 each, but when these videos went viral, it substantially spiked sales of Blendtec’s blenders. In 2008, sales were up 500%. In 2009, sales were up 700%. Each video has an average of a million views, with a few of them skewing this average with 7,000,000 or more views. People have even gone onto eBay to purchase the items that were ground up, including the dust of an iPhone. Blendtec’s “Will It Blend” videos are a great example of a social media marketing success. They had a good product and they knew it, but they needed to create a buzz for it somehow. Why not tap in to the Youtube audience and gets some incredibly cheap publicity? They did this effectively and made one heck of a living, not only off of selling blenders, but also with YouTube ad revenue.

The Murder Scene of the Music Scene

Much like the early 90s grunge scene in Seattle, Washington, the current music scene has been destroyed by a few bands that made it big in the mainstream marketing. In 2006, Ohio was a Mecca for local music. Everywhere you turned, there were bands coming out with new singles and pushing their newest merchandise. Band stickers and flyers for local shows were plastered on any open space and, as a young musician myself, this was exhilarating.
[That's me in the middle, playing live at Howard's Club H in 2008."] For many young bands, “making it” and getting signed were dreams that rested in the back of the mind, but what really mattered was practicing and playing live, in front of family, friends and complete strangers. I can tell you, firsthand, that there was nothing more exciting than looking out into the crowd and seeing people moshing and dancing to your heaviest breakdowns or the glow in the eyes of the females in the front row as they looked up during the clean choruses. I’m getting chills just by recalling it. Bands took whatever measures they could to record their songs. Whether it was through the use of pirated music software, a grassroots record producer (Swordfish Studios in Findlay, Slaughterdog Records in Lima, ect.) or just a hand-me-down 8-track recording device, bands were adamant about printing their own music. [Bands would record anywhere and do just about anything to get their music into a reasonable sounding format and then onto their Myspace music player."]At this time, the music was nowhere near perfect. In fact, it was perfectly imperfect. Listening back, one can hear missed notes, off time bass drum hits and poor leveling. But those little miscues are what make this so special to me. It was more about the message and the experience than the money-hungry attitude that consumes today’s music industry. Bands began cutting their hair, spending thousands of dollars on recording and acting like complete snobs. The Internet was always a mainstream outlet for pushing shows and your music, but it quickly turned into a cesspool of shameless plugs and “You can only listen to this band if you ‘Like’ it first” messages. In this way, MySpace.com trumped Facebook. Myspace was a purveyor of music; the guy who would let you play at his church or record your EP for free. Facebook is just that slimy guy who collects the money at the door and cuts your playing time in half. After bands like The Devil Wears Prada, Before Their Eyes, Bring Me The Horizon and A Day To Remember started gaining speed, other bands ditched their originality to sound like the bands that were making money. They started over producing their records, tuning to ridiculously low tunings and mixing their bass guitars out of any song. Now, we are living in 2012. It is a time where local shows are an endangered species. It’s more profitable to record an album and push it online than it is to go out and play the music that you wrote from your heart. The emotion has been sucked out the local music scene. Even though the good ole days are gone, I can still be proud to say that I was out there living each day. I can still recall the feeling of walking onstage hundreds of miles away from home. I can still remember meeting hundreds of new people. I can still reminisce on a time where music was full of heart. As lame as it may sound, I can’t wait to look at the younger generations and tell them my stories. “Back in my day, music was real.”     Settle The Sky performing Cheyenne in Gibsonburg, Ohio 2008

How 'Dub the Dew' Went Terribly Awry

Social media is great way to communicate with your audience and consumers. However, without careful planning, it can blow up in your face. On the Internet, there are trolls that keep an eye out for chances to mess things up or make someone mad. For example, in August of this year, Mountain Dew introduced a new Granny Smith apple-flavored soft drink. They decided to have a little fun and let their fans name it, or as their slogan stated “Dub the Dew.” This went horribly awry when members of 4Chan.org, a group of the Internet’s best hackers, most curious individuals and people with too much time, decided to get in on the voting. The poll was on the Mountain Dew website, so an Anon [Anonymous member of 4Chan] banned people together to vote for some really goofy names. “Gushing Granny,” “Granny Squirts” and “Fap Apple” made their way on to the list. Mountain Dew came out and said they did not have to choose the top name, just one that was on the list. 4Chan accepted this challenge and continued to flood the poll and hack the site. By the end of the contest, “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong” was at the top of the chart, there was no reasonable name left on the poll and the pranksters hacked the site with Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna’ Give You Up” as an unwarranted pop-up. According to one blog related to this social media fail, hackers went so far as to add “a banner that read “Mtn Dew salutes the Israeli Mossad for demolishing 3 towers on 9/11!” Mountain Dew gave their public too much freedom. Their intent was good: use social media to interact with their fans and gain their input. However, the Internet trolls took control of the situation and created a social media blunder for the soft drink moguls. My biggest takeaway point from this experience is that companies need to monitor social media more closely. When a situation starts to arise, they need to extinguish it before it gets out of hand. They also need to use more tact when dealing with Internet trolls. Mountain Dew’s statement to the trolls could be seen as antagonistic. Had they just let it go, the pranksters would have lost interest, but since they engaged in such a way, the trolls had to have a little fun. Before a company begins a social media campaign, they need to recognize how it could go wrong and figure out a quick and painless process to fix it. After all, Mountain Dew could have just deleted the poll.

Don't Understimate the Abilities of a Fresh College Grad

There I am, my first day on the job as Ford Motor Company’s newest social media correspondent, an organization known for its good social media etiquette. I sit at my desk, performing each task to a t in order to not mess up and disappoint my boss. Every word is triple checked. Every phrase is carefully thought out and delicately formulated. I know, going into this job, that if I mess up, then I'll be out of a job, out of a pay check and desperate to find a company that didn't catch my social media mishap. This is how I, a typical young, college-educated potential employee thinks. I feel the Digital Entrepreneur list underestimates the mentality of a young employee. I know that many of my friends, and myself, can be quite goofy and immature, but when the time calls for it, we can transform into responsible adults. While hanging out on the weekends, one may be incredibly silly, but when at work, the professional is put guard up and that individual becomes the rational human being that he or she has trained to be. After all, we didn't work through four years of school just to mess around on the job. However, I don't believe a company should hire someone and put them in full control of all the social media accounts right away. They have to learn what the company is about. They have to understand the audience they are appealing to. They have to know there is something to lose. Putting someone who has at least a years’ worth experience with the company would be optimal. I do like the point the article makes about having a few people know the account information for the business. Suppose the hypothetical social media correspondent gets fired for some reason, changing the password should be done before that employee actually get their notice to insure they don’t “go postal” on your social media accounts. Younger employees should not be treated as incompetent. They can learn the niche audiences of the business and ways of communicating to them within a decent amount of time, especially if that was their educated specialty. I don’t believe you should give a young employee or new hire complete control of the accounts, but don’t be afraid to let them do a job they have trained years for.

What does a deleted post really say?

It’s late. You had a bit too much to drink or maybe you’re just irritable because of fatigue, but you decide to log into Facebook and respond to your ex’s post about her new relationship or you really let your boss have it for making you stay late. You let your true colors show — and they are not beautiful. You wake up in the morning and your phone is blowing up from notifications about your post. You promptly delete your post, pretend it didn’t happen and continue on with your day. That post was deleted and never happened … right? Wrong. Even if you delete a Tweet or remove a Facebook post, it was still read and has been archived. When a user posts on another’s wall, the receiving user gets an email with the text of that post. This is proof or evidence. If you tweeted an ill-tempered tweet — or any tweet actually — it has been archived by the Library of Congress. If someone follows you to his or her phone, your angry tweet is saved as a SMS text. Suppose what you said online could be considered threatening; if someone was truly offended and wanted to report you, saving the evidence is as easy as a quick keyboard command to screenshot your post. I know this latter archive technique because I used it once. Someone I knew threw water balloons at my car and put a Frosty on my windshield. I was unhappy, so I browsed Facebook and found the culprit because they didn’t think before they posted. I “screenshotted” what she said before she deleted it and made her clean up my car or else I would get police involved. Suppose an organization begins to delete negative posts on their page, there will be some backlash. (Unnecessarily vulgar and explicit posts are fair game for deleting, especially if stated in the About section of the page.) These posters will ban together, spam the page and continue to do so until the organization addresses the problem and fixes it. People don’t like it when you ignore their criticisms, let alone delete them. Deleting posts show weakness either way. If you said something dumb, take responsibility for it. If someone posts a negative critique on your page, respond to it in a mature way.  

Stalking, creeping and ethical business tactics

Imagine a situation in which a crazy ex-partner is logging into your Facebook or Twitter account and proceeds to read through all of your personal messages and rifles through pages and pages of comments and pictures just to find something incriminating. In this case, you would never give this person your password and email. However, as times begin to change and social media becomes more prevalent, employers are taking the role of the hypothetical ex-partner and asking to gain access to social media profiles of their potential employees. How ethical is this form of surveillance? It depends on the circumstance. If a job requires strict privacy, then you shouldn't have many social media profiles to begin with. In fact, the members of the Ohio State football team were asked to ditched their Twitter accounts for the betterment of their team and to privatize any sort of conflicts that may arise. Suppose someone was beginning their career as a CIA agent, it probably wouldn't be the best idea to tweet and have his or her location published online for all to see. However, if someone is applying to be a waitress at Bob Evan's, they really should not have to give up their social media rights. Personally, I have ran into a few problems with social media in the workplace. On one occasion, I tweeted a frustrated tweet during my on-the-clock hours and I was scolded for it. Even though I did not directly cite my job as the reason for my rage, I still was told not to put anything on a site that could reflect poorly on the organization. Of course I thought this was excessive because I was on the receiving end of punishment, but as I watch others fall into the same trouble, I continue to see this as an irrational form of restriction. When I tweeted my controversially tweet, I received no feedback on it. No retweets. No texts. No replies. It was just me voicing my anger in the moment. I believe organizations are too sensitive when it comes to social media, but that doesn't mean I endorse someone slandering their own company. I am all for a quick scan through of a potential employee's profile. If a complete stranger can find out certain information, there is no harm in having your future employer check you out before an interview. When an employer asks for a password, that is a breach of privacy and trust. If this becomes the norm, then how far could this progress? Could an employer potentially ask for you to hand over your phone for review? At what point are we supposed to draw the line? A quick skim through won't hurt. Filtering your opinions about your job and ridiculous party antics should be normal, but invasion of privacy should not be.