A Long Walk Home

It takes a number of lonely walks home to make you feel like you need to get away. To get away from everyone. The life that you felt was destined for you.

But I've walked down the same streets, alone, far too many times.

To think, I was going to stick around for this sorry lifestyle. I'm done. I'm ready to move on. This is it. I thought I was meant to stay around these people, this culture, for another year of my life. Honestly, I'm ready for the mundane life. The 401k. The working till death. The coming home to no one.

I want that.

I'm sick of counting on people who would never reciprocate the same for me.

My final stand. My final weekend as a student at the university that I have adored for four years. I praised this place and convinced dozens of people to follow suit. I counted the cracks in the sidewalks. And when I got tired of that, I watched the stars as I walked by alone.

For the last God damn time.

I Loved this place. It was my holy land. It was everything I needed to become a better, more full person. I met the right people throughout these years, but their meaning has since faded and I've become what I needed to.

An independent person. I have my own insights and my own abilities. I don't need anyone else. 

As humans, we congregate to share resources. Evolutionarily, we stuck together to get what we needed to survive. However, I feel that I am ready to do this all on my own.

I don't need the people I thought I did. I can make my own money. I can motivate myself. I can be who I want to be and surround myself with the people who fit my niche. 

I'm not like normal people. I adore chaos, yet I like sticking to a sort of plan. That's too much for some, but I don't care. It's who I am. Mock me as you will, I will not change. It's what I've become and I've grown accustomed to it. I've succeeded with such methods.

It's who I will be Forever.

As I sit in my room, I hear the echoes of stupidity. The voices of the people who have enraged me and helped me to come to the conclusions that I've jumped to.

They sound so pathetic. So weak. So dependent on an outlet of numbness. I'm done with them. I'm sick of the monotony.

I can be happy without them.

With that being said, I'm not afraid to move on. In fact, I'm ecstatic to be gone. I'm stoked. I'm elated.

There are jobs in the Carolinas that I was hesitant about, yet they were my dream jobs. What was I holding back for? For these people?

These people couldn't even help me take advantage of my final weekend as a student. They couldn't adhere to a simple idea that I had. It wasn't that hard.

I brought you all together. I wanted to have a good time with the people I Love. Instead, I was ignored and made fun of by the people I Love.

That's not what I deserve.

I'm ready for the life that is ahead of me. 12 hours away, my life can begin. Hundreds of miles away, I can start anew. That idea...fills my head with happiness.

I'm sick of this. I'm sick of either feeling alone or stagnate.

Call this a stream of conscience. Call it whatever you want. I don't care.

These are my words. My thoughts. If you're reading them, you obviously give a damn. If you're not, well you're not surprising me.

There's very few people I can count on. And even less I would call on in an emergency. Yet, there's a laundry list of people I would take a bullet for.

Take my silence as a token. A token of my appreciation for the past years. You've been great to me. However, it's time for me to see what the world has to offer. I thought sticking around was what I needed, but tonight taught me otherwise.

Three of them. Three of the best I knew turned their backs on me and I wandered alone.

Now I'll turn my back and find a new home.